Weekly Recap

Questions

• What do I care to know about/ reflect on?

  This past week, I was trying to get over and through working out changing relationships through DIY car maintenance, working out quality of life through conversations, through imposter syndrome and perception of self, shifting cultural contexts while taking care of myself and planning for my future.

  
  

• Why do I care to reflect on this past week?

  Well, last week was a week in my life that I'll never get back or redo. It was formative and yet so fleeting. I have a few impressions through photos and videos and maybe I'll post those but I know I want to paint the words somehow.

  
  

• What were my major challenges?

  Choosing a song to present to the 2nd and 6/7 period classes at Westinghouse was I challenge I created for myself because I felt like I couldn't share my lullaby. It was too simple. I started trying to learn Ascension by Maxwell on Tuesday morning on my way to Westinghouse running late driving through traffic. lol Once I realized I kept forgetting the lyrics to the first verse, I decided that I would share Denee's lullaby. The real challenge there and recurring to me is acknowledging that my work is good enough to share and does reveal parts of myself to the people I choose to share it with. I find it interesting that this is recurring in my life at this time because my goal is to see, know and be myself and it seems like I stand in the way of that when I doubt myself. I suppose that is apart of seeing, knowing and being myself -- acknowledging that self doubt and learning how to move past it. Maybe overtime that is how I grow confidence. Maybe that doubt shrinks from the size of a boulder in my throat to a grain of rice?

  I tried my hand at replacing my brakes and rotors last week! My God this was a week-long and now counting affair. My wrist hurts and back is sore and I'm barely half-way through with the front. I think I was being too prideful to ask for help. I wanted to succeed in doing this on my own because I really thought I could even when it got hard. I thought "I do hard stuff for other people all the time." So challenge after challenge, I asked for tools and when they weren't there I went to AutoZone and tru value to go get them. When I ran out of money, I asked my mother, but I never asked for help changing brakes or removing pins or putting things back together. It was just me in the cold, in my designated car maintenance clothes and me waking up the next morning with bruises and scrapes from kneeling on the concrete and a messed up wrist from pulling and pushing on a screw that was seized because of corrosion

  
  

• How did I approach adversity?

  I drove toward it singing. I walked toward it smiling and greeting everyone I passed by. I welcomed it back for another week. I told it to sit anywhere it pleased. I told it a little about me and it was amazed that my truths were truths (it thought it was the lie). I called on it in the morning and made a plan. I rode the elevator in silence thinking, I thanked it for coming. I allowed it to talk amongst itself while I watched and listened and waited. I went out to change my brakes. I got on my hands and knees. I tuned the car around to face the light. I gave myself a cutoff time: 6:30 and then washed my hair. I lotioned my skin. I got up early to stretch and strengthen. I called my mom. I called my sister. I moved shit out of my room. I did a praise step, I did a victory shout.

  
  

• How did I speak to myself last week?

  Last week, I spoke to myself all sorts of ways. Learning that the language of love is variable and intentional. I love the pep talks I give myself while I drive and my gratitude throughout the day. Its like the light comes on and sunshine flows from me. On Friday I felt sour because I didn't communicate when I knew I should and by the time I did, my potential employer was in some shit and they were audibly frustrated by it. and I felt like a phony after 6/7 because I changed my approach. I felt so sour on Friday, but I went through these moments one by one like an attentive mother with a sulking child and by the end of it I could acknowledge that I am still growing and learning and accepting accountability is apart of that. and it doesn't always feel sweet or blissful, but it is real and I will always appreciate real.

  
  

• What am I proud of?

  My judgment was on 10 last week!!!!!!! Like timing was absolutely chef's kiss. change of plans? on lock. I am proud of how awake I was when it came to making decisions, planning and shifting. I felt grown, competent and agile. I'm proud of me for doing things scared, for showing all the way up and crushing it!! For trusting God and living through the moment to tell the story.

  
  

• What artifacts do I have from last week?

  
  

• What energy am I taking into the coming week?

  Into this week, I am taking grace, joy, loving intention, fun, and creativity! My weeks are filled with youth, creation, contemplation and I love that for me. I love that I get to create a space that encourages youth to think, feel, express and be themselves and I love the nourishment that I receive from witnessing their transformation and exchanges. I am putting reflection into this space, my love, my care, focus, joy and genuine presence. I am bringing all of my this week and taking care of me to ensure to the best of my ability that I have space to bring all of me where I go. I am bringing the powers of inquiry, the joy and wonder of curiosity and imagination. I am bringing my vulnerability, my softness, my gentleness, my edges. ha!

  
  

• What lessons can I carry into this week from last week?

  girl, keep it simple. There is something I already know that I can teach and tell with ease and then there are the things I need to reach and stretch to grasp. In time these things will be a short leap away, but the low hanging fruit need harvested. There are some emotional things that can be worked out physically but I think they have their limits. At some point I can harm myself by solely working out emotional issues physically without acknowledging my physical limitations. So continue challenging yourself and expressing physically, but tend to your feelings and thought garden too.