This Weekend

I wake up with a frog in my throat

The kind that can only be soothed with shower steam and hacking up mucus from my mouth or blowing it from my nose.

Undergarments green comforter teal

Sunlight and sky in four stages. The morning breeze fills the room and I'm glad it's only 9:22. Today I will walk and breathe in the day and pray.

Crown Royal Vanilla on the dresser from date night. We came back from Fogo de Chao and headed to the studio. The streets were quiet and we pulled onto Broadway the only two people walking as if in a dream.

and the sounds of a Monday lure me from this recollection, but we process in progress.

I wanted him at the studio. We started kissing and his hands found a rhythm over my body. He suggested we go back home. I smiled because even when the studio is not part of our plans it is, even if only for a few minutes. We took a photo of us outside the studio. I loved every image he snapped.

We rode back to our apartment with our hands clasped inside each others. and up the stairs. our clothes strewn accross every open path.

"To new beginnings" we toasted

a celebration of life

victory perseverance truth

I write about the weekend because if I don't it disappears. and I need these memories for when times get tough. I need to remember that there is goodness, sweet, fire even as there is bitterness, and cold and lone.

Saturday

Eszquire Ishara and I went to see Dr. Strange.

Reclined in a theater seat remembering that life isn't just happening to me I am living it. We are living it together.

My mother. Bubs

Eszquires Mom. Momma

Ishara's Mom. Rhonda

Regina's Mom. Marines

Melody's Mom.

Ruben's Mom. Kathy

Mothers day

This weekend the sun shone incredibly. I was stressed for Saturday. Did I have the hair? the clothes? the prep process good enough for our date? was I good enough? yes. I am amazing. and Eszquire said he would be honored to take me on a date. I'd never been on a date before and it felt special to be dated and to be seen like this. Part of me didn't know it wS possible. part of us acting on an infinite of possibility. look how we found each other. we're we not both willing yo take a chance? let, skkkkkrt, rewinded, sloooowwd to a stop

so we could start a conversation? and 5 years later we have our first date 😊 I am humbled by the unfolding. nothing is promised, nothing guaranteed and everyday we choose each other is a blessing.

cultivating

connecting

growing

exploring

writing part of the process

memory making my birthright

experiences

craft

Carr

love

tenderness

present

presence

magic

spirit

warn

sweet

honey

wine

drink

more

water

time

friends

heartbreak

travel

earth

quake

quick

quiet

queen

keen

kiwi

peel

peele

Australia

Byron bay

beach

Bombay

goa

give me 3 words

I can't swim

yet. I still

put feet in.

again and again

baby

I could say anything to you

I just want to perform magic

five you something to take the rest off your mind for a moment

free you from stress for a moment

baby I see and hear you clear

I want to drive all your fears away

let me be full in this manifesto

nature calls and I'm bit to let go

thought it was 12 my ass said "oh no!"