The Start of Something New

By 6 o'clock two of our vendors were already set-up and in place. Lofty and her friend entered the cafe. I was at the mic warming up with Eszquire and Remy. Once we got to He Loves Me I felt unsure about reading lyrics off of my phone, but more comfortable singing it in my own way. I was dressed in the same clothes I wore on my walk to the studio with an added striped crop top for more nipple coverage.

I floated on a cloud that was equal parts frustration and nerves. Past "What if no one shows up?", What do I say to the people who do show up? I assembled my emergency things ( bottle of water, phone and tape) and went to my station behind the long black bar. There I stood as the first handfuls of people walked in. I started an open mic list on the back of a foiled C.A.P flyer. Osei signed up first, then myself and then I propped myself against the bar until It was time for me to move. The time came quickly.

When Osei came in for work on Saturday, he came into the office and told me that he was nervous about today. I told him that it would be fun and we proceeded to practice u by her in a series of ways. ( He sang to a plant on Ishara's shelves twice) and then went off to the cafe to finish up some prep tasks before the open mic began at 6. I printed off a few flyers, grabbed the stack of posters and C.A.P. flyers and headed down there myself. When I arrived, Latanya had just arrived and asked me where the partitions would be positioned. There was so much I was unsure of on that day. I could feel myself floating on nothing, but there was no time for self degradation. I had more signs to print. or not Ishara suggested I grab the recording signs from around the studio so we started unpinning them and I took a light stack with me to the Cafe.

Max cap there had to be 25-30 people in the space including creatives, vendors, production team and attendees. I can't wait for the video to drop! That'll be out sometime this week. Im looking forward to watching and remembering it.

Update: about half of the recording of the open mic does not exist, so I'll need to rely on memory:

First on the list was Osei. I agreed to sing background vocals with him on u by H.E.R. and we did. somewhere in the beginning his nerves jumped him about 2 beats ahead of the music. I followed along with him and trailed off at the end after the track ended.

I felt weird that night like shy and avoidant and also frustrated and shamed everytime I was asked to sing. Istarted feeling like for an open mic I am singing a lot. Maybe I need to sing less and give more space and chances for other people to sing. I don't want people to think Im self-absorbed or obsessed . I wish I used my new litmus test then "Do I love me?" Because then I would have quicker come back to the fact this cafe and singing multiple times alongside people, alongside wicked talented musicians Is my dream come true. And maybe it was my attire (I solemnly swear to present and wear things that I feel like myself in at all times) but even then what an exercise in allowing myself to be seen anyhow. q courage q self sabotage actually. I brought my outfit but similar thoughts came to kind I don't want anybody to think............ Aaleah, do you love you? I know I love me now and I agree to meet that doubt with love to see it through and understand that I am that bitch la gran diosa. That's just me and I have to be me in any space Im in to flourish where I am. Are we talking looks? or nah? because Im readyyy.

What a masterclass in cooperation!!!!! With people flowing between 722 and 712 all night! 5 hours In I was ready for it to wrap. Waiting for Eszquire, with a missing phone while I danced line dances with Savanna and .... and then poppwed around in loose shaped with Sade and Michelle and Anthony. WHAT A NIGHT!!

Update: This Summer, this season, Eszquire is pushing out content. He says " I don't want to sit on this content" So Evan has been tasked with editing the footage from the launch event. In between emails, a to-do lists I've gotten to listen to bits and pieces occasionally glancing over to revel in the picture quality and smile to myself we really friggin did that!

Desk time is when I do what I need to do to keep doing the things that I truly want to do. Those things? make music with people, heal myself and grow, dream with people roll up our sleeves and make our visions come to life, indulge in the goodness of life, ponder and postulate, ruminate and wonder revel in all the smells, and tastes, sights and sounds, touch and be touched witness CREATE!

So at my desk I organize and scan tax documents and make sure all the passwords for my granst accounts are accessible and reach out for clarity about guidelines and plan and write and walk to confirm with Eszquire and plan some more and communicate when I need help and listen to my partner process his feelings and reasoning

My days are full of people and I love every bit of it. I feel exponentially more alive and feel exponentially more committed to life and I believe part of that is living to realize that there is so much more life beyond what I've already come to know. Thank God for perseverance and patience! I owe the mercy it afforded me my life <3

More life to come in the morning starting with a fresh cup of sleepy dewey morning sunlight and chirping birds. I vow to appreciate every sunny blue sky morning go out and receive it because rain is IN the forecast and I want to make the most of the summer and this weather.

I love my community for so many reasons. I'll count all the ways.

I love you Aaleah!