Notes on Loving Myself: I am not afraid to be perceived

A week in the life: chock full of scrolling fro way too long, a very productive Monday, pacing, stride and boundaries.

I'm not sure where to start, so I'll start with today. Good morning kisses have become a routine at 229

Outline:

Monday: was my first day back since Thanksgiving employee is off week. I felt confident that my time off had prepared me well for a full week of work and I wasn't all wrong. Monday I was imbued with a confidence that now I'm suspecting only rest can provide. I am good enough to reach out to people right now. i don't need another degree or 10 more years of experience under my belt. here tf I am. and so I reached out to ACTES and Cure Violence about a partnership. Later that day, I rode with Eszquire and Ishara to the mural dedication and luncheon in celebration of the completion of the mural on the side of The Father Ryan Arts Center and of Shanice.

Tuesday: The first news articles about the mural don't even really mention the mural, just Shanice visiting Pittsburgh and that sucks because Sto-Rox could have really used the good publicity, but I guess WPXI fe;t like Pittsburgh needed it more??? The racism was also shocking and disappointing and now pretty typical at this point. I went to the gynecologist on Tuesday or gyne land as Dr. Rosado called it. She also encouraged me to get the most out of my health insurance. So I'm connecting with a weight loss coach and taking care of my health <3

Wednesday: First day covering the Campus by myself in a while and it went swimmingly. I sat up in the window ,working and then I had a great chat with E. about collaboration and focus groups and support then I got to talk to M. It pains me how school isn't a safe or engaging place for him and that he is inundated with messaging on sex that makes it hard for him to connect with people about anything else. This made me excited for morning singing and dance and M was pretty excited about it too. I also realized how much I've been avoiding both of their gazes By Wednesday I wanted to look in the eyes of people more intentionally and more often. There is so much information there.

Thursday: Thursday! Was so much fun. I almost said no but I thought I had some time to spare and I didn't want to miss the revelry the 2nd time around. We went carshopping together! and I saw some spaceship looking vehicles with poor gas mileage and a lot of space. We went to a few dealerships near Monroeville and then to the party city at Monroeville Mall for another Santa Suit and some white gloves then Esz drove us to East Liberty where we picked up ROOTs, free coffee from Dunkin and headed back to McKees Rocks with just under 2 hours before our meditative conversation with Taris and Heather. I napped! I was so proud and woke up groggy and craving more just 10 minutes before we were scheduled to meet. I put on my house shoes and followed Ishara out the door. Taris and heather's place was cozy and decorated with Chirtsmas scenes, candles and lights. It smelled good and it was warm. T offered me a glass of water and I accepted, placing the stemless glass on the coffee table. What proceeded surprised me and didn't I hoped for so much more, I thought maybe an hour wouldn't do all of it but maybe we could get somewhere fruitful and truthfully maybe we did. That conversation taught me that it really doesn't matter how old a person is -- I want to know how much a person sees. Do they see themselves? Do I see myself? Yes in everyone present. In myself seated and sipping between thoughts. Processing is a process wherever it gets done. Some of it was done in that room and a lot more of it was done just before and after DJ club. Speaking of: I am not afraid to be perceived and it seemed like so many tests came through that day. after Jazzmyne and Heather and Taris there was Taymir who came in with his little brother talking about his brother stole the PS5 and its a good thing he brought it back for us. Then they asked Ishara where her husband was or her boyfriend ---- the fat man. their behavior was so confusing to me -- antagonizing playing on instruments and cowering away like puppy dogs when Eszquire came out and looked at them , just looked at them. WHere once I envied that as a power, how lonely to be on the receiving end for my presence to make someone shrivel and leave. The world is a full place and Thursday reminded me of how blessed I am to have a core to grow out from. A love to water everyday.

Friday! Woot! Friday is a bit of a blur. I went to work, but what did I work on? I practiced with Eszquire in the evening and unloosed my hair for Santa when I got home.

Saturday: We killed that bih. and I am so proud of myself and the artist that I am becoming. AAAAAND I still fit in my Mrs. Claus outfit tears* Afterwards, I was so sleepy I took a nap after my salad and the I got up about 10 minutes to my conversation with Mch. So much I didn't clock I was happy to perceive and be perceived. I felt brain scattered in practice today realizing that music is information If I don;t make it relevenat through practice, how am I supposed to rememeder?

Sunday: The Lord's Day for rest. I am allowed to say no to new friends, that is okay. Not everyone matches me energetically and Im growing more aware of that fact and comfortable with protecting mines. That doesn't make me rude or stuck up, it makes me wise and allows me to save my time for people that are important to me. WHen I looked over my November Goals, I realized there were alot of things I simply did not complete in the month of November like I intended and when I think back over the ways I allocated my time I realize that it was because of my lack of boundaries around my time that cost me some of these things. SO today, I planned out my week, got started on planning time in 2024 and promised myself to be more intentional with how I spend my time. Its 12am rn! Goodnight :)